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特朗普总统,你知道狗是什么吗?

更新时间:2018-1-11 20:09:25 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

What the President Doesn’t Get About Dogs
特朗普总统,你知道狗是什么吗?

Among the revelations that have rained down in the wake of Michael Wolff’s White House tell-all “Fire and Fury” — the claims and counterclaims, the excerpts and the tweets, the book’s vicious portrayal of a clueless, childlike president whose courtiers are forced to produce daily episodes of Short Attention Span Theater — surely the saddest is this: The president of the United States, leader of the free world and famously one of the few pet-less commanders in chief, does not understand how dogs work.

迈克尔·沃尔夫(Michael Wolff)的白宫大揭秘《炮火与怒火》(Fire and Fury)通过各种说法和反驳、摘录与推文,将总统恶狠狠地描绘成一个无能而又孩子气的人,侍臣们每天都得上演不少戏码,吸引他过于短暂的注意力。该书出版后,人们得以看清大量事实——当然,最可悲的一件事莫过于,美国总统、自由世界的领导人、也是著名的极少数没有宠物的最高指挥官之一,根本不了解狗是怎么回事。

This became clear during a particularly frothy late-night tweet storm, in which President Trump, in a pretzel-twist of rage over the perfidy of Mr. Wolff and the president’s former adviser and campaign strategist Steve Bannon, wrote: “Michael Wolff is a total loser who made up stories in order to sell this really boring and untruthful book. He used Sloppy Steve Bannon, who cried when he got fired and begged for his job. Now Sloppy Steve has been dumped like a dog by almost everyone. Too bad!”

这件事是在一场非常肤浅的深夜发推风暴中显现出来的。当时,特朗普对忘恩负义的沃尔夫,以及自己的前顾问兼竞选策略师史蒂夫·班农(Steve Bannon)感到一阵突如其来的愤怒。他写道:“迈克尔·沃尔夫是个彻头彻尾的大输家,他编造故事,只为能卖出他那本无聊而又虚假的书。他利用了邋遢鬼史蒂夫·班农,那家伙被解雇的时候哭了起来,苦苦哀求保住工作。现在邋遢鬼班农已经狗一样被几乎所有人甩掉了。太糟了!”

There is a lot going on in this tweet. But it was one pungent phrase — “dumped like a dog” — that stuck in Dog World’s craw like a sideways Snausage. “What does being ‘dumped like a dog’ entail, precisely? Asking for a concerned friend (or friends, actually),” tweeted the Newsweek senior political writer Celeste Katz, posting her query above a shot of her dachshunds. The popular account @weratedogs summed it up by asking, simply: “do you … do you know what a dog is?”

这条推包含了很多内容。但是其中有一个刺眼的短语——“狗一样被甩掉”——像一根横着的狗香肠一样,让养狗界难以下咽。“‘狗一样被甩掉’到底意味着什么?我帮一个关心此事的朋友(其实是多位朋友)问的,”《新闻周刊》(Newsweek)资深政治撰稿人塞莱斯特·卡茨(Celeste Katz)发推问到,并且贴出了一张她的腊肠狗的照片。人气推号@weratedogs只是简单地归结为一个疑问:“你……你知道狗是什么吗?”

This is not the first time Mr. Trump has employed canine similes to describe an especially odious opponent, an enemy who has been not just vanquished but humiliated to the point that his very humanity is in doubt.

这并不是特朗普第一次用犬类来形容一个特别可恶的对手,一个不仅被彻底击败,而且连作为人类的基本属性都要遭到怀疑和羞辱的敌人。

In 2016, Eric Levitz of New York magazine compiled some of Mr. Trump’s “like a dog” tweets to give a snapshot of how our leader sees man’s best friend:

《纽约》(New York)杂志的埃里克·勒维茨(Eric Levitz)在2016年汇编了一些特朗普关于“狗一样”的推文,以便让人们看一看,我们的领导者如何看待人类最好的朋友:

Erick Erickson, who once disinvited Mr. Trump from a Red State forum, got “fired like a dog.”

曾经取消一个共和党州论坛对特朗普的邀请的埃里克·埃里克森(Erick Erickson),“狗一样被解雇了”;

Glenn Beck got fired “like a dog.”

格伦·贝克(Glenn Beck)“狗一样”被炒了;

Bill Maher got “fired from ABC — in fact, fired like a dog!”

比尔·马赫(Bill Maher)“被ABC解雇了——事实上,是狗一样被解雇了!”

The president has used “dog” to describe the looks of a woman he does not like (Arianna Huffington is a “dog who wrongfully comments on me.”). An unfaithful woman cheats on her man “like a dog” (Kristen Stewart). A man who loses an election “choked like a dog” (Mitt Romney). Dogs are failures, dogs are unattractive, dogs are unworthy of faith.

总统用“狗”来形容他不喜欢的女人的长相(阿里安娜·赫芬顿[Arianna Huffington]是一条“不公正地评论我的狗”)。一个不忠诚的女人“狗一样”背叛了她的男友(克里斯汀·斯图尔特[Kristen Stewart])。一个在选举中落败的人“狗一样被呛住了”(米特·罗姆尼[Mitt Romney])。狗是失败者,狗不惹人喜爱,狗不值得信任。

Which, as anyone who has spent five minutes in a dog’s company could tell you, is pretty much the opposite of how dogs are.

任何一个和狗在一起待上五分钟的人都可以告诉你,特朗普的观念跟实际情况完全相反。

I’ve been lucky enough to have lived a dog-filled life. I grew up with a sweet if dimwitted bulldog named Mort, who had to be reminded at least twice a week how to get onto the couch. Mort would get winded on any walk that took him beyond the driveway and would, in the summertime, collapse, belly down, in the first puddle he could find, short legs splayed, a look on his wrinkled, Churchillian face saying, “Please, no more.”

我很幸运,我生活中一直有狗陪伴。我和一只名叫莫特(Mort)的可爱但傻乎乎的斗牛犬一起长大,他每周至少两次需要人提醒如何爬上沙发。只要走到超过自家停车道之外的地方,莫特就会累得气喘吁吁。夏天,只要一看到水坑,他就会瘫倒在水坑里,肚皮朝上,小短腿张开,他皱巴巴的丘吉尔式面孔上的表情像是在说:“求你了,别再走了。”

When I was 23, my roommate and I saw an ad in the classified section of the newspaper where we worked: “one dog, small, spotted, free to good home.” We were charmed by his bouncy mien, his speckled coat and his needlelike teeth. We named him Wendell. When my roommate moved on, this 11-pound rat terrier became my guy, and I became, slowly but surely, his responsible adult.

我23岁时,我和室友在本报的分类广告上看到了一则广告:“一条有斑点的小狗,寻找好人家。”我们被他活泼的举止、身上的斑点和针一样尖的牙齿迷住了。我们给他起名叫温德尔(Wendell)。室友搬走后,这只11磅(5公斤)重的捕鼠梗犬成了我的伙伴,我缓慢而确定地变成了他的成年监护人。

Jobs changed, boyfriends came, boyfriends went. I moved from rural Pennsylvania to Lexington, Ky., then on to Philadelphia. Wendell was my constant. He was stylish: Every morning, when I got dressed for work, Wendell would lie on my bed, paws crossed, scrutinizing my stirrup pants and shoulder pads with a chilly disdain. He was loving: When I came home from work, he would act like I’d returned from a war, scampering in circles and leaping with joy as if to declare YOU’RE BACK! YOU’RE BACK! YOU’REBACKYOU’REBACKYOU’REBACK! He believed in me: Every night, when I’d work on my first novel, he would fall asleep at my feet, his somnolence suggesting that he was in this for the long haul and I should be, too.

我的工作换来换去,男朋友换了一个又一个。我从宾夕法尼亚州的乡下搬到肯塔基州的列克星敦,后来又搬到了费城。温德尔是我不变的伙伴。他很懂时尚:每天早上,当我穿好衣服去上班时,温德尔会躺在我的床上,交叉双爪,带着冰冷不屑的神情仔细打量我的踩脚裤和垫肩。他很有爱心:我下班回家时,他表现得好像我刚从战场上回来,围着我欢快地蹦蹦跳跳,好像在宣布:你回来了!你回来了!你回来了回来了回来了!他相信我:我在写第一部小说时,他每天晚上都会在我的脚边入睡,他的昏昏欲睡表明他是在做长久打算,我也应该这样。

I sold my book. Wendell feigned nonchalance, but I have to believe that he enjoyed the upgrade from generic to name-brand kibble. I got engaged. Wendell would start the day by chasing my fiancé down the hallway, back fur bristling, posture declaiming “and don’t come back.” By the end of his life Wendell had a cardiologist and was on a variety of medications, the pills carefully crushed and tucked into bits of paté. He needed a boost to get onto the bed. Still, every night, he would sleep on my pillow, furled like a halo above my head.

我的书卖出去了。温德尔装作若无其事,但我相信,他很享受从普通狗粮升级到名牌狗粮。后来我订婚了。每天早晨,温德尔把我未婚夫赶到门厅,背上的毛都竖了起来,那姿态像是在说:“别再回来了”。到了晚年,温德尔得了心脏病,需要服用各种药物,药片被小心碾碎,撒在肉酱里。他需要有人帮忙才能爬上床。不过,每天晚上,他依然蜷缩着睡在我的枕头上,就像往我头上戴了个光环。

When Wendell died, it felt like the world had been knocked off its orbit. When it was, finally, time to get another dog, my daughters were adamant, rejecting puggles and poodles and bat-eared French bulldogs, insisting that we get another dog “just like Wendell.” In 2011, Ratterrierrescue.com brought us Moochie, who had been dumped, pregnant, at a kill shelter, where she’d languished as her pups went off to “forever homes.” Moochie spends most of her life within five feet of my person, heralding my movements by preceding me down the hall or up the stairs, curled up in a padded wicker basket while I work, or on my husband’s legs while he reads, a black-and-white spotted package of pure love.

温德尔去世时,这个世界像是脱了轨。最后,我们终于收拾好心情,决定再养一条狗;我的女儿们坚决不要哈巴狗、泰迪狗和大耳法国斗牛犬,一定要再养一只“和温德尔一样”的狗。2011年,Ratterrierrescue.com给我们送来了穆奇(Moochie),她怀孕了,被抛弃在一个执行人道毁灭的收容所里。她的幼崽们被送往“永远的家”时,她特别难过。穆奇一生的大部分时间生活在我周围五英尺内,走在我前面去客厅或上楼梯,预告我的举动。我工作时,她蜷缩在一个有衬垫的柳条篮里,我丈夫读书时,她卧在他腿上。这只黑白两色狗浑身洋溢着爱。

Our president doesn’t understand any of that. He mocked Vice President Mike Pence for allowing his family to bring their cats, snake and rabbit to Washington, deriding them as “low-class” and “yokels.” Meanwhile, his adult sons are big-game hunters, whose relationship to higher mammals seems to be informed by questions like “Am I allowed to kill it?” and “Can I cut off its tail before I pose for the picture?”

但这一切,我们这位总统都不懂。他讥讽副总统迈克·彭斯(Mike Pence)允许家人把他们的几只猫、一条蛇和一只兔子带到华盛顿,嘲笑他们“低级”和“乡巴佬”。与此同时,他已成年的儿子个个都是大型动物狩猎者。他们与高等哺乳动物的关系,似乎只存在于“这个可以杀么”,或“我能不能割掉它的尾巴摆姿势拍照”这样的问题中。

It takes a lot to elicit sympathy for a man whose life goals seem to be deepening America’s divisions, lining his pockets and starting a third world war on Twitter, not necessarily in that order. But it’s hard not to be a little sad for anyone who won’t ever know the singular pleasure of a dog’s companionship.

对于一个以加深美国的分歧、赚大钱和在Twitter上发起第三次世界大战(不一定按照这个顺序)为人生目标的人,要想让他产生一点同理心并非易事。但是,一个永远不知道狗狗的陪伴所带来的巨大快乐的人,很难不为他感到一些遗憾。

Mr. Trump may never know the steadying warmth of a dog by his side while he rage-watches cable TV. He won’t know the way a dog’s paw-pads smell like corn chips, or the pleasure at the sight of her paddling her feet, giving little yips and snarls as she chases squirrels in her dreams.

特朗普可能永远不会在怒气冲冲地看有线电视的时候,感受到狗狗在身旁带来的令人平静的温暖。他不会知道狗狗的脚掌闻起来像玉米片,也体会不到看到梦见追松鼠的狗狗摆动脚掌,发出轻微的叫声时的快乐。

He might be the president, with Air Force One and a model wife and, if you believe him, a desk equipped with a nuclear button that is bigger than anyone else’s button. But if you’ve got a dog, you are rich in a way that Mr. Trump will never be.

他可以是总统,乘坐空军一号出行,娶模特为妻。你相信的话,他的桌子上还有一个比其他所有人的都大的核按钮。但如果你养狗,你在一定程度上永远比特朗普富裕。

For the price of a few face licks and leg humps, you’ve got the undying love and unwavering loyalty of a true companion.

脸被舔几下、腿被趴几次,你便会收获一个真正的伙伴永恒的爱和不变的忠诚。

And in an endlessly feuding, turmoil-ridden White House of warring factions, shifting alliances and endless leaks, all the president has is Stephen Miller.

而在争吵没完没了、充满混乱、派系林立、盟友变换、泄密不断的白宫,总统身边只有史蒂芬·米勒(Stephen Miller)。

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