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为什么你不该对孩子大声嚷嚷?

  For the past 50 years, spanking has been used to discipline children less and less. But what about yelling? Almost everyone still yells at children from time to time, even those parents who know it's useless. Roaring is probably the most unwise behavior of parenting today.

  50年来,用打屁股的方式来管教孩子的现象越来越少。但大喊大叫呢?几乎所有人还是会不时地对孩子们嚷嚷,即使是那些知道这么做没用的父母。吼叫可能是当今为人父母者最不明智的行为。

  In people who often yell, their children's self-esteem is often weak and their depression is higher. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Child Development showed that yelling at children has consequences similar to corporal punishment: increased levels of anxiety, stress, and depression, along with behavioral problems increase.

  在经常大喊大叫的人家,子女的自尊心往往较弱,抑郁的比例更高。2014年发表在《儿童发育杂志》(Journal of Child Development)上的一项研究表明,冲着孩子大喊大叫会产生类似于体罚的后果:焦虑、压力和抑郁程度增加,行为问题也随之增加。

  How many times in your parenting experience have you thought about "ah, right?"

  在你为人父母的经历中,你有多少次在对孩子嚷嚷后想过“嗯,这么做对不对”?

  嚷嚷 does not help you establish authority. This will only make your child feel that you are out of control. Makes you look weak. Let's be honest, you yell because you're okay.嚷嚷 Rather than spanking, it is a reaction of parents who do not know what to do.

  嚷嚷无助于你树立权威。这只会让孩子觉得你失控。让你看起来软弱无能。实话说吧,你之所以大喊大叫就是因为你没辙。嚷嚷甚于打屁股,是父母不知道还能怎么办的反应。

  But most parents, myself included, find it really hard to spend the day without 嚷嚷. The latest research on shouting asks parents two questions: What should I do? How can I get rid of this habit?

  但大多数家长——包括我自己在内,发现不用嚷嚷就能度过一天真的很难。关于喊叫的最新研究向父母提出了两个问题:我应该怎么做?要怎么改掉这个习惯?

  What we are talking about here is not you shouting to remind your children to be careful of cars. We are talking about roaring as a way to correct it. As a tool, corrective shouting has no effect, it is just a habitual slap at the child. We yell at our children for the same thing every day, and because they feel ineffective, we have to yell more and more fiercely. Put your clothes away! Come down for dinner! Don't ride on dogs! Don't beat your brother too often!

  我们在这里讨论的,不是你大声喊叫提醒孩子小心汽车。我们说的是把吼叫作为一种纠正方式。作为一种工具,纠正性的大喊大叫是没有效果的,不过是对孩子习惯性的嚷嚷而已。我们每天会因为同样的事情对子女叫喊,而且由于觉得没有效果,还要越叫越凶。把衣服放好!下来吃饭!不要骑在狗身上!别老打你弟弟!

  Alan Kazdin, a professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University, says it's useless to know that yelling is not good in itself. It's not really a strategy for disciplining children, but a means of venting yourself.

  耶鲁大学的心理学和儿童精神病学教授艾伦·卡兹丁(Alan Kazdin)说,仅仅知道大喊大叫本身不好是没有用的。它其实并非一种管教孩子的策略,而是你自己的一种发泄手段。

    蛐蛐英语 www.qqenglish.com

  "If the parents' purpose is to vent, I want to calm down and show you how angry I am, okay, yelling might be perfect," Katzdin said. "If the goal is to change some aspects of your child, or to develop a positive habit in your child, yelling will not work." There are other strategies that don't require you to yell like a madman.

  “如果父母的目的是宣泄,我想消消气,并且向你表明我有多生气,好吧,大喊大叫可能是完美的,”卡兹丁说。“如果目标是改变孩子的某些方面,或者在孩子身上培养一种积极的习惯,那么大喊大叫可就行不通了。”还有其他的策略,无需你像疯子一样喊叫。

  Many people think that positive and positive is actually a form of laziness, as if positive parents do not care about their children at all. But he is not allowed to require parents to plan and discipline in advance, but he is not.

  很多人认为,积极正面其实是一种懒惰的表现形式,就好像那些积极正面的父母根本不会管孩子。但不许嚷嚷需要父母有提前的规划和纪律,而嚷嚷则不然。

  Kazdin is promoting a project called ABCs, which represents antecedents, behaviors, and consequences. Preconditions are set in advance. Specifically, tell them before you want your child to do anything. Behavior is when parents define, shape, and model behavior. The consequence is that when the action is performed, approve it and make an exaggerated compliment, accompanied by an agreeable limb movement.

  卡兹丁在推广一个名为ABCs的项目,它代表着前置条件(antecedents)、行为(behaviors)和后果(consequences)。前置条件是进行提前的设置,具体说,就是在你希望孩子做什么之前,先告诉他们。行为就是父母对行为进行定义、塑造和建模。后果就是当行为得到执行时,表达赞许,做出一种夸张的赞美,同时伴以表示赞同的肢体动作。

  Therefore, don't yell at him every night because the child throws his shoes around, but ask him in the morning if he can leave the shoes when he goes home. Make sure you go home and put your shoes away. If your child puts his shoes in place, even if they can put them near where they should be put, tell him that this is good, then hug him.

  因此,不要每天晚上因为孩子把鞋到处乱丢对他大喊大叫,而是要在早上问他,能不能回家时把鞋子放好。确保你回家把自己的鞋子放好。如果你的孩子把鞋子放好了,乃至能把它们放在该放的地方附近,告诉他这样很好,然后拥抱他。

  ABC Praise is a very specific technique. You must be enthusiastic, so you must put a silly smile on your face and even raise your hand to wave. Next you have to say what you praise with a very happy and pleasant voice. The third step is to stroke the child and give him some words of praise. This stupidity is its characteristics, not its flaws. It makes children notice the compliments that come with correct behavior. That's the point.

  ABC赞美法是一种非常具体的技术。你必须热情,所以必须在脸上摆出傻乎乎的笑容,甚至举起手来挥舞。接下来你要用一种非常高兴、愉快的声音,说出你赞美的内容。第三步是抚摸孩子,并给他一些不用语言表达的赞美。这种傻乎乎是它的特性而不是缺陷。它让孩子注意到伴随正确行为而来的赞美。这就是重点。

  We need to get into the habit, Katzdin said. "This practice actually changes the brain. In the process, the behaviors you want to correct, the various tempers and struggles, all of them disappear." Furthermore, he states, "As a side effect, when you do these When things go down, parents' depression and stress will actually decrease and family relationships will improve. "

  “我们要养成习惯,”卡兹丁说。“这种做法实际上改变了大脑,在这个过程中,你想纠正的行为,各种闹脾气和斗争,所有这一切都消失了。”此外,他指出,“作为一个副作用,当你做这些事情时,父母的抑郁和压力实际上会下降,家庭关系会好转。”

  If children behave better, then we won't yell. If we don't yell, children will perform better.

  如果孩子表现得更好,那么我们就不会大叫。如果我们不大叫,孩子就会表现得更好。

  The beauty of having such a system is that it is not to react after the child has done bad things, not to wait for them to mess things up and get angry, instead, you have a clear plan. But planning requires parental self-discipline, and it's difficult. "We know that human beings have so-called negative prejudices," Kazdin said. "In psychological terms, this is called 'normal'. This is something in the brain, and through evolution we are very sensitive to negative things in the environment."

  拥有这样一个系统的美妙之处在于,它不是在孩子做了坏事之后做出反应,不是等他们搞砸事情然后生气,相反,你有一个明确的计划。但规划需要父母这边的自律,而且很难。“我们知道人类有所谓的消极偏见,”卡兹丁说。“用心理学术语讲,这叫‘正常’。这是大脑里的一种东西,通过进化,我们对环境中的负面事物非常敏感。”

  It is our inherent instinct to yell. This is an evolved survival instinct, depending on what it protects. Yelling is hard to give up, because it makes us think that this is what parents should do.

  大喊大叫是我们固有的本能。这是一种进化的生存本能,取决于那些它要保护的东西。大喊大叫是很难放弃的,因为它让我们觉得这是为人父母该做的。

  In the 1960s, 94% of parents used corporal punishment. A 2010 poll showed that number had dropped to 22%. There may be many reasons for this, including the influence of some child development educators. But there must be a reason, if there is a more effective way to change children's behavior without involving violent behavior, then the reason for beating the child will disappear. If it doesn't work, why spanking? The same applies to yelling: Why do you yell? It's not for children.

  在1960年代,94%的父母使用体罚。2010年的一项民意调查显示,这一数字下降至22%。这可能有很多原因,包括一些儿童发展教育者的影响。但肯定有一个原因是,如果有一种更有效的方式来改变孩子们的行为,而且不涉及暴力的行为,那么打孩子的原因就会消失。如果不起作用,为什么还要打屁股?这同样适用于大喊大叫:你为什么要大喊大叫?这不是为了孩子好。

  Ultimately, disciplinary skills must be effective. Let your child do what you want and don't do what you don't want throughout the day. Praise is valid. And punishment is ineffective.

  最终,纪律技巧必须是有效的,要让孩子在一天之中做你希望的事情、不做你不希望的事情。赞美是有效的。而惩罚是无效的。

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