For the past 50 years, spanking has been used to discipline children less and less. But what about yelling? Almost everyone still yells at children from time to time, even those parents who know it's useless. Roaring is probably the most unwise behavior of parenting today.
In people who often yell, their children's self-esteem is often weak and their depression is higher. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Child Development showed that yelling at children has consequences similar to corporal punishment: increased levels of anxiety, stress, and depression, along with behavioral problems increase.
在经常大喊大叫的人家，子女的自尊心往往较弱，抑郁的比例更高。2014年发表在《儿童发育杂志》(Journal of Child Development)上的一项研究表明，冲着孩子大喊大叫会产生类似于体罚的后果：焦虑、压力和抑郁程度增加，行为问题也随之增加。
How many times in your parenting experience have you thought about "ah, right?"
嚷嚷 does not help you establish authority. This will only make your child feel that you are out of control. Makes you look weak. Let's be honest, you yell because you're okay.嚷嚷 Rather than spanking, it is a reaction of parents who do not know what to do.
But most parents, myself included, find it really hard to spend the day without 嚷嚷. The latest research on shouting asks parents two questions: What should I do? How can I get rid of this habit?
What we are talking about here is not you shouting to remind your children to be careful of cars. We are talking about roaring as a way to correct it. As a tool, corrective shouting has no effect, it is just a habitual slap at the child. We yell at our children for the same thing every day, and because they feel ineffective, we have to yell more and more fiercely. Put your clothes away! Come down for dinner! Don't ride on dogs! Don't beat your brother too often!
Alan Kazdin, a professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University, says it's useless to know that yelling is not good in itself. It's not really a strategy for disciplining children, but a means of venting yourself.
"If the parents' purpose is to vent, I want to calm down and show you how angry I am, okay, yelling might be perfect," Katzdin said. "If the goal is to change some aspects of your child, or to develop a positive habit in your child, yelling will not work." There are other strategies that don't require you to yell like a madman.
Many people think that positive and positive is actually a form of laziness, as if positive parents do not care about their children at all. But he is not allowed to require parents to plan and discipline in advance, but he is not.
Kazdin is promoting a project called ABCs, which represents antecedents, behaviors, and consequences. Preconditions are set in advance. Specifically, tell them before you want your child to do anything. Behavior is when parents define, shape, and model behavior. The consequence is that when the action is performed, approve it and make an exaggerated compliment, accompanied by an agreeable limb movement.
Therefore, don't yell at him every night because the child throws his shoes around, but ask him in the morning if he can leave the shoes when he goes home. Make sure you go home and put your shoes away. If your child puts his shoes in place, even if they can put them near where they should be put, tell him that this is good, then hug him.
ABC Praise is a very specific technique. You must be enthusiastic, so you must put a silly smile on your face and even raise your hand to wave. Next you have to say what you praise with a very happy and pleasant voice. The third step is to stroke the child and give him some words of praise. This stupidity is its characteristics, not its flaws. It makes children notice the compliments that come with correct behavior. That's the point.
We need to get into the habit, Katzdin said. "This practice actually changes the brain. In the process, the behaviors you want to correct, the various tempers and struggles, all of them disappear." Furthermore, he states, "As a side effect, when you do these When things go down, parents' depression and stress will actually decrease and family relationships will improve. "
If children behave better, then we won't yell. If we don't yell, children will perform better.
The beauty of having such a system is that it is not to react after the child has done bad things, not to wait for them to mess things up and get angry, instead, you have a clear plan. But planning requires parental self-discipline, and it's difficult. "We know that human beings have so-called negative prejudices," Kazdin said. "In psychological terms, this is called 'normal'. This is something in the brain, and through evolution we are very sensitive to negative things in the environment."
It is our inherent instinct to yell. This is an evolved survival instinct, depending on what it protects. Yelling is hard to give up, because it makes us think that this is what parents should do.
In the 1960s, 94% of parents used corporal punishment. A 2010 poll showed that number had dropped to 22%. There may be many reasons for this, including the influence of some child development educators. But there must be a reason, if there is a more effective way to change children's behavior without involving violent behavior, then the reason for beating the child will disappear. If it doesn't work, why spanking? The same applies to yelling: Why do you yell? It's not for children.
Ultimately, disciplinary skills must be effective. Let your child do what you want and don't do what you don't want throughout the day. Praise is valid. And punishment is ineffective.